it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
