We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
