By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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