if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
