I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
