Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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