Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
