Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
