And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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