I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
