someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
