Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
