if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
