Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
