Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
