is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
