these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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