When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
