They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
