OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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