Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
