I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
