Sponge bath it is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
