We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
