Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
