oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
