is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
