I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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