ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
