I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
