need another drink. this is the easiest way
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
