tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is my gift to your gina
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
