Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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