Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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