Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
