my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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