That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
