also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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