haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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