just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
