Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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