I'm going to jail i love you
Where is the hickey?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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