I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
