i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
