remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
