Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
