This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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