I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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