I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Girls should come with a carfax report
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
