i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
