I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
