I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
